Whatever happens , hold his hand...................... for ever

My husband is an Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature, and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders.
Three years of courtship and now, two years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness. I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings, I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband, is my complete opposite, his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about love.

One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce.
“Why?” he asked, shocked. “I am tired, there are no reasons for everything in the world!” I answered. He kept silent the whole night, seems to be in deep thought with a lighted cigarette at all times. My feeling of disappointment only increased, here was a man who can’t even express his predicament, what else can I hope from him? And finally he asked me:” What can I do to change your mind?” Somebody said it right, it’s hard to change a person’s personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him. Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered : “Here is the question, if you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind, Let’s say, I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death, will you do it for me?” He said :” I will give you your answer tomorrow….” My hopes just sank by listening to his response.

I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting, underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes…. My dear, “I would not pick that flower for you, but please allow me to explain the reasons further..” This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading.“ When you use the computer you always mess up the Software programs, and you cry in front of the screen, I have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs. You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you. You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city, I have to save my eyes to show you the way. You always have the cramps whenever your “good friend” approaches every month, I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy.

You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom. You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes, I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails, and help to remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand… and tell you the color of flowers, just like the color of the glow on your young face… Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do… I could not pick that flower yet, and die.. ”My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting… and as I continue on reading… “Now, that you have finished reading my answer, if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread and fresh milk… I rush to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread….

Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone…That’s life, and love. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness.
Love shows up in all forms, even very small and cheeky forms, it has never been a model, it could be the most dull and boring form.. . flowers, and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands… and that’s our life… Love, not words win arguments…

Source:http://academictips.org/blogs/great-marriage-story/

My Prince

When I was a little girl, I used to read fairy tales. The fairy tale I like the most is "The Little Mermaid". Of all the fairy tales like Cinderella, Snow white etc.. , I felt "The Little Mermaid" as most touching. When I used to read the last part, water starts to fall down from my eyes. Desperate to see what life is like on dry land and hopelessly in love with a mortal, princess Ariel, the youngest royal mermaid makes a deal with the evil sea witch Ursula to trade her beautiful voice for legs. However, she must claim the prince's heart or the deal will be broken and she will lose everything. At last she will lost everything. But I wanted "The Little Mermaid " to live happily with the Prince. I don't want her to become bubbles and vanish. So I cut the last two paragraphs in the story & added my own. At least then I felt some satisfaction that I made the Little Mermaid to live happily with the prince.

When I was a little, I used to read a lot of fairy tales and assumes me in place of the princess. In fairy tales I met the Prince charming and he's everything I ever wanted. Also in fairy tales the bad guy is very easy to spot. The bad guy is always wearing a black cape so I always know who he is. Then I grown up, I realised that Prince Charming is not easy to find as I thought. I also realised that the bad guy is not wearing a black cape and he's not easy to spot; he's really funny, and he makes you laugh, and he has a perfect hair. I'm totally confused that how I will find my Prince Charming. How I will recognise him from the bad guy around?


For those who haven't read Little mermaid:Page on Wisc

What Christmas is?

Christmas is more than a day in December
It's all of those things that we love to remember
Its caroler’s singing familiar refrains
Bright coloured stockings and shiny toy trains
Streamers of tinsel and glass satin balls
Laughter that rings through the house and its halls
Christmas is more than a day in December
Its the magic and the love
That we'll always remember”

We were wandering through the streets on that fine evening. The road side shops were shining with stars. I was wondering whether I should buy one for my home or whether they have already bought one. I went for shopping before going home for Christmas holidays. I still remember the star that we used to make during our childhood with the bamboo stalk and coloured papers. Now everything is available ready-made from stars to Christmas Tree. Nobody has the time to make one of their own. Me too, I found a shop with many Christmas trees arranged in a line with different size and heights. I too brought one. I really know my Christmas will end with this. I am going for a 2 weeks’ Christmas vacation. For sure, I am not going to make a Christmas crib or decorate a Christmas tree in front of my house.

While travelling back to hostel, I thought about the Christmas days we had 2 to 3 years back. It was great during those days. For us (myself, my brother & my cousins) preparations for Christmas starts one week before Christmas. The first thing we used to do was to make a big star and hang it in the branch of the biggest tree that we had in front of our house. A bulb would be inserted in the middle of the star and it  illuminates at night times. Next is to prepare a Christmas crib. We used to put a lot of effort into this. We had competition to find the most beautiful crib among the neighbourhood. The Christmas crib would be ready by the day before Christmas. Small coloured bulbs, candles, bells & ribbons are used to decorate Christmas tree. As Fir trees are difficult to get, we used to use branches of some other trees. The carol team & Santa would arrive soon. The thing I like the most during Christmas is the way we used to go to the church during Christmas night for Holly mass. The church was near to the house so that we all used to walk to the church together chattering among us and laughing a lot in the cold night. I never felt the chillness that comes through my frock and the shoes I used to wear at that time. We all used to sit in the last row of the church. We never used to bother about whatever that was going on in the church. We all would be asleep from the hard work we had for last few days. We would wake up only during the time they used to supply cake pieces from the church.

I wonder whether my younger cousins know anything about Christmas. For them, it is the time they can eat a lot of cakes, get 10 days of vacation from school, view a lot of new movies that come in all TV channels. I don't know whether the younger generation know the meaning of FIR tree, candle, star and the holly leaf?

The FIR TREE that we use as Christmas tree tells us that the pure green color of the stately fir tree remains green all year round, depicting the everlasting hope of mankind. All the needles point heavenward, making it a symbol of man’s thoughts turning toward heaven. The brilliant star we hang in the Christmas tree is the heavenly sign of promises long ago. God promised a Savior for the world, and the star was the sign of fulfillment of that promise. The candles used to decorate Christmas crib symbolizes that Christ is the light of the world, and when we see this great light we are reminded of He who displaces the darkness. The WREATH we place on the Christmas tree symbolizes the eternal nature of love. Real love never ceases. Love is one continuous round of affection. Santa Claus symbolizes the generosity and good will we feel during the month of December. The holly plant represents immortality. It represents the crown of thorns worn by our Savior. The red holly berries represent blood shed by Him. Gifts are given on the Christmas day to show the love that god has for us. God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son. Thanks be to God for His unspeakable gift. The wise men bowed before the holy babe and presented Him with gold, frankincense, and myrrh. We should give gifts in the same spirit as the wise men. The candy cane used for decoration represents the shepherd’s crook. The crook on the shepherd’s staff helps bring back strayed sheep from the flock. The candy cane is the symbol that we are our brother’s keeper. The angels in the Christmas crib represents the angels that heralded in the glorious news of the Savior’s birth. The angels sang ‘Glory to God in the highest, on earth, peace and good will. Even the bell used to decorate tree has it's own meaning. The lost sheep are found by the sound of a bell, it should bring people to the fold. The bell symbolizes guidance and return.

“Christmas, the time of year
that has the impact
of a childhood story
and the dreams of the future
all rolled into the presents
that we give our loved ones”

Married or not, you should read this

I was searching for a touching line to write in the wedding card which I brought for my best friend. She is going to get married by the end of this month. She is a very special friend of mine. We stayed together in a room for about one year. I remember once when talking about marriage, she told me that we should marry from same place and should settle down in same place so that we can meet frequently. Now she is going to get married and she is going abroad with her fiancé . I have no idea to get married soon. Time has made us departed . Wherever she go, whatever she do, still she is my best friend and close within the heart. Sorry, when it comes about my friend, I elaborated a little. The main thing I was coming to tell is about a story I found when I was searching for quote. It was really touching. So I am sharing the story here. I think you all will like this.
               

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her! With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again. In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully. My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her. On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore. She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears.  I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart. That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….
 
My parents marriage is a love marriage. I am proud to say that they are having a very happy married life. I never ever found them fighting for any reasons. My father is taking care of my mother so much and never made her regret to marry him. I found them always happy and they have a very good understanding between them. I used to think how lucky my mom is & wish to have someone like my father to hold my hand someday. The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the luxurious house, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage.

I miss you

I was in a hurry to get outside of hostel. It was too late, it’s already 9.45. I want to reach office at least by 10. When I get out of the hostel door, it suddenly started raining. It wasn’t just raining, it was pouring outside. Earlier I used to love every second of the rain. But in this busy metropolitan city I’m too busy to enjoy the beauty of rain. I returned to my room, got one umbrella and hurried into the rain. I was not feeling the rain, but I got wet in rain. I was thinking about my clothes (unfortunately I was wearing a white coloured salwar and dupatta) & my slippers which may get wet in rain. Even in this hurry, I noticed two little children coming opposite to me, a boy and a girl dressed in their uniform. The girl seems to be elder than the boy and she is holding an umbrella for the little boy.

Seething this my thoughts went back to my childhood. On days like this I used to feel happy and amazed at the beauty of rain. I always loved rain. In Kerala, my native; rain starts in  June. It’s also the school reopening time when the rainy season starts. We, me and my brother used to walk in the rain together, play in rain and have a lot of fun  in those days. The raindrop seems to be dancing on the roads. It was blowing with the wind and running off the roofs and windows. It was also making it’s way through the leaves of the trees, and pooling together into an endless puddles and miniature lakes on the ground. On one side of the pavement water will be flowing, we used to walk through that water and play in that.

Rain is symbolic, it’s like life. If I want to describe the beauty of rain, It will be difficult for me to find apt word to describe it. Rain drops are really amazing. As it is  poured upon the earth it is taken by all at that  moment. It splashes and dances and this has  the ability to make a “dreary” day look alive and cheerful.

The rhythm of rain is really beautiful. It always cools our heart and brings peace to our heart. Whatever state we are, when we listen to the music of rain, the sound of the falling drops pacifies our heart and makes our heart calm and quiet.

The rain drops are captured by the roots of the grasses and forms a solid droplet (Kannithulli in regional language) which we used to pluck during our school days. We used to compete with ourselves to find who is collecting the biggest one.

The green fields, blue waters and the rain pouring into my umbrella, I used to walk through our fields during my childhood. It was really refreshing and I found a lot of joy in rain. Kerala is blessed with a lot of scenic beauty, it is more beautiful when it rains.

 

Spring warms and revives us.  We need the moisture of spring not only to help the earth grow, but to help us to grow as well.  And so this morning it rained and rained and rained.  It is every bit as beautiful as sunshine just in a different way. I felt that that I’m missing rain a lot. I always loved rain to all my heart. I decided to feel the rain than to get wet in the rain. I really miss rain...........

Everything can be made intresting

AutoCAD is very interesting. When I joined my first work in a software company. They have given me AutoCAD training for almost 3 weeks. I was bored of drawing plans and elevations of houses. You want to see want I drawn on AutoCAD those days?

 

It is the beauty that killed the Beast

Everybody likes to be called “Handsome, Pretty, Beautiful, Good looking, Photogenic” etc. Everyone longs for beauty. What is beauty? You can find hundreds of definitions for beauty, but what really beauty is? For me beauty lies in imperfection and irregularity. What if all clouds are regular shaped, it won’t look beautiful right? Beauty isn’t about having a pretty face. It is about having a pretty mind, a pretty heart, and most importantly, a beautiful soul

 

 

 

People always say: It’s inner beauty that matters, not outer beauty. Well, that’s not true. If it were, why would flowers put so much energy into attracting bees? And why would raindrops transform themselves into a rainbow when encounter the sun? Because nature longs for beauty, and is only satisfied when beauty can be exalted . Outer beauty is inner beauty made visible, and it manifests itself in the light that flows from our eyes. It doesn’t matter if a person is badly dressed or doesn’t conform to our idea of elegance, or doesn’t even care about impressing other people. The eyes are the mirror of the soul and reflect everything that seems to be hidden, and like a mirror they also reflect the person looking into them. So if the person looking into someone’s eyes has a dark soul, he will see only his own ugliness.

 

Beauty is present in all creation, but the dangerous fact is that because we human beings are often cut off from the divine energy, we allow ourselves to be influenced by what other people think. We deny our own beauty because others can’t or won’t recognise it. Instead of accepting ourselves as we are, we try to imitate what we see around us. We try to be what other people think of as “Pretty” and little by little, our soul fades, our will weakens and all the potential we had to make the world a more beautiful place withers away.

The appearance of things change according to the emotions, and thus we see magic and beauty in them, while the magic and beauty are really in ourselves. That’s the thing about inner beauty; Unlike physical beauty, which grabs the spotlight for itself, inner beauty shines on everyone, catching them, holding them in its embrace, making them more beautiful too. Everything has it's beauty but not everyone sees it